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Tag Archives: betrayal

can i trust you?

trust….according to the dictionary trust is reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing; confidence.

trust….it takes years to get and seconds to lose.
I’m the type who trusts very easily but at the same time I’m cautious. I’ll trust you from day one, but if you break that trust, you have a lot to prove to get it back.

Over the years, I have done my share of breaking someone’s trust on me. I’m not proud of that fact, but I’m honest enough to admit it to the world. On the flip side, people have betrayed me. It’s hard to swallow, whether you are the one that betrays that trust or the one whose trust has been broken.

How do you trust when you’ve been burned so many times? How can you believe that your friend or loved one truly means what they say when they have done something that breaks your heart. Do you continue to tell that close friend your innermost thoughts? Do you believe your spouse after they’ve broken the marriage vows? Heck…do you trust yourself to keep your promises?

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I’ve slowly begun to realize that I really can’t trust people the way I always have. And at the same time, I’ve come to the strong realization that there is one I can trust to NEVER hurt me, there is one that will NEVER break a promise or share my heart. That one person who I can place my complete trust in is Jesus. He keeps His promises. He has been there with me even if I turn away from Him in a moment of rebellion. The Bible tells me that if I “trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” I have to put my full trust in my Savior. He won’t hurt me. He’ll instead guide me and protect me.

Who do you trust?

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the betrayal

how can one little question, one that for most, one that is so innocent, cause instant anguish? why can’t the memories that cause us so much pain and heartache leave us alone?

what was a simple question asked on facebook via a page i follow turned into silent tears of pain. i try not to think of how the memories i had of you were all lies. you were the one person that i trusted and loved more than anything on earth. you were the one person that could do no wrong in my eyes. all the things i’d heard about you – i kept telling them that you’d never hurt me. i was the favored one and everyone knew it.. why did you have to go and betray me? you told me you loved me. how can you love me and do what you did? it’s wrong. what you did is so wrong. you know it’s wrong. when the memories of what you did came to the surface not so long ago, i was in shock!!! i didn’t want to believe it. i thought i was the only one you spared. i thought you spared me the torture you inflicted on all the others because i was your favorite. i wish that i never remembered. you’ve ruined my image of you. what makes it worse is that all i could ask out loud when i did recall was “why?” that’s all i wanted to know! WHY? and why me? that wasn’t supposed to happen!!! i wish i could truly and honestly hate you. but i can’t. it’s just not in me to hate. i might have that brief moment, like now, when hateful feelings start to emerge but like with any other negative emotion i may feel, it never lasts for more than that brief moment. i can’t even confront you about this because you’re dead. to think….when you died, i thought my world ended. little did i know, it ended the moment you turned into the monster everyone said you were and betrayed me. i wish there was a way that you could see this. see what you’ve done has done to me. i want to scream but won’t – at least not out loud. i want to cry but i’m tired of the tears you’ve caused. the tears i shed are wasted on you.

please God….take this away. make the recurring memories stop invading my life. take away the pain and sorrow i have whenever i think of what happened to me. take away my tears….

 

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