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Monthly Archives: May 2014

the bread of life

it’s been a while since my last post. i’ve been so busy with work that at the end of most days, i am ready to just sit and do nothing. i am putting in hours at the office helping with payroll and filing and whatever project my boss would like me to help with. i love the projects….they usually involve research and i love researching. after the office stuff, i might get to go home for about an hour before i have to head back out the door to start picking up my clients.

lately, when i’m volunteering at the food shares with straight street orlando, i’ve been taking some of the leftover rolls and using them for making sandwiches for our church’s street ministry. on sunday after church, we feed the people we’ve picked up that morning a bagged lunch that will have a sandwich, some chips and cookies and something cold to drink. we have a group of women, myself included, that sign up to make 20 lunches each week (two volunteers per week). since i’ve only been back to work since late january, finances are still a bit tight so any resource i can get that will allow me to help others – i’ll take it.

there is a woman at work whose church has a group that now does food shares twice a month where i go on tuesdays and they had a lot of leftover bread – i asked if i could have some – i’d use it for sandwiches for my church’s street ministry as well as give it those that would want some. the bread i received was some good stuff – hearty white, rye, multi-grain as well as some large sandwich sized rolls – the kind you’d put a big burger on.

yesterday, i had the chance to be home by 8pm. when i took my last two clients home (who are brothers) i was talking to their father and learned that other than items in the freezer for dinners, they were lacking some of the staples – bread, eggs, milk, along with a few other things. he gets a check for disability – he’s a double amputee below the knee with a slew of other health problems. it’s a single parent household with no other sources of income. i care about these kids…..they managed to grow on me in a short amount of time despite my reluctance to work with them. so my first instinct – grab a piece of paper and ask for a list. the father is illiterate so he told me what he needed and i wrote it down. not a huge list. stuff to make lunches for the boys. some cereal and coffee. milk and eggs. and a little sugar-free ice cream. after piling the boys back into the car (the one is 13 and stands 6’2″) i called david and told him i’d be late and why. then off to walmart we went. went to the deli for lunch meat. grabbed enough eggs to last more than a couple of days. milk – check! coffee – check!  after a few minutes of hard searching, finally found the ice cream!! woot!! we returned back at the boys’ house and unloaded our packages. i also had this huge bag of bread in the trunk. i flung it over my shoulder and carried it into the house like i was santa 🙂 i started pulling different varieties of bread and was told which was good and which one was not wanted. when i was done, i was surprised – the dad reached out and gave me a hug as he thanked me. bigger surprise – the boys gave me hugs too!! the older one – the one who is 6’2″ – he said “miss lisa…it’s hard to hug you – you’re so little!” i laughed and stepped to the top of the ramp set up for his dad to get into the house on his power chair. i said “is this easier? i’m now up higher so you can hug me easier!” he laughed and gave me another hug. i told each of the boys to be good for their dad as i left.

later that night, i saw that the older boy sent me a message, “i forgot to say thank you”. i kept that message in my heart the rest of the night.

Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life….John 6:35

 
 

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listen to me

what do you do when you are talking to someone and you come to the realization that you haven’t been heard?

i have been going through a lot lately and to be honest, i have been having a hard time finding joy in much right now. i have a lot of years of practice at hiding things – i can appear to be happy and most would never know the truth. but there are a few individuals that can spot my true feelings and, if they take the time to do so, will try to coax those feelings from me. last night was one of those times.

someone that has known me for more than a minute came over to talk to me last night. they commented that they haven’t seen a real smile from me in a while. initially i was reluctant to respond, but i also knew that if this person was going to take the time to notice, maybe they would take the time to listen. so as i’ve done many times over the years, i slowly let my guard down. as the tears began to fall, i began to open up.

let me explain something first….it isn’t always easy for me to tell people the things that are hidden deep within my soul. going back to when i was a small girl, i was the one expected to listen to others’ problems, but no one really did the same for me. so instead, i retreated into the special world of books and poetry. when things became especially difficult, i’d either head outside to the back yard where “my tree” was, it was in the farthest corner of the yard and it was mine. it was in plain sight of the back of the house, but everyone knew when i was under my tree, it meant i wanted to be left alone. if the weather wasn’t conducive for me to go there, i’d go to the farthest corner down in the basement for solitude. when i went there, it wasn’t always so obvious where i was and one had to really look to find me. when i was in my safe places, i could let my guard down and cry. i could talk to God in a way that only little girls could because i knew He would listen.

it has only been during certain times in my adult life that someone has come into my life and has somehow managed to read me like a book just from one look at my face. i could probably count on less than one hand the number of times that has happened. the person i was talking to last night is one of them. or so i thought.

anyhow, i began to pour out my heartache. i still left a couple of things so painful hidden only because i still haven’t figured out how i’m supposed to even talk about them. my listener was quiet, only asking questions if i paused for a long period. sometimes they didn’t say anything but waited. after sometime, my listener began to talk about only one aspect of the things that were so painful for me. and that seemed to be the main focus. i kept trying to say that that one thing was important, but there was so much more, which i’d already shared. i couldn’t seem to get the point across that there were multiple things that were causing my joy to disappear from my being. it didn’t take long for me to realize that my listener really wasn’t listening. the more i tried to steer the conversation in a different direction and put more focus on the rest of what i’d shared, the more it seemed i was not being heard. i’m glad i wasn’t asked if i felt better after talking with my listener, because i don’t know if i could have lied to this person and said i did. this was someone you just don’t do that with. so i left with the feeling of being in the same place as i was prior to the conversation.

so – i have to ask….are you really listening?

 
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Posted by on May 6, 2014 in it's just me, My Walk With God

 

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